| Thursday, June 23, 2011
I realise I do so many things just to prove something. It's no different now, so what if the child just might die in the process? She had ceased caring so very long ago.
the purple piggy oinked 8:28 AM
|
really. really. really.
so this is how it is.
walking slowly towards the noose,
so that's how it feels,
heavy footsteps echoing off rot
the doom and gloom so frequent it's part of life,
but then life itself is ending so why bother?
the purple piggy oinked 7:52 AM
| Friday, June 17, 2011
dear friend, the reason we are here is because, well, you refuse to leave.
You long for the chance to soar among the clouds, but chains have joined the party and it is clear none of that sort will happen till you get past the torture. Nothing good will come out of this, although perhaps you could hope that your spirit would not be broken although I would beg to differ. The personalities, ohdearyme one of a three year old, one of a thirty year old, and one of a sixteen year old. So many personalities, one child. Yet? I see we have to do this together, so as fair warning, it is highly probable that the you, or me, or her, of two and a half years later will not be the child that arrived excited on these miserable happy shores three or so years ago. So innocent then, so jaded now.
the purple piggy oinked 7:48 PM
| Monday, June 13, 2011
it's not so much the dying,
but what comes afterwards.
have you forgotten the strange void that comes when your small child came in contact with too hot water?
or when sitting in the backseat of a car driving down a dark road?
this void, she used to wonder.
was that what death was? emptiness, this lack of consciousness, just gone.
so that was when the fear of death started.
she didn't want to die then, because it meant that she would miss so many things, the lovely exciting things you see everyday in this special world.
but now, now it's all different, is it not?
she frequently wonders whether or not it would be nice to just forget to wake up the next day, or when she woke up only the soul did but not the body?
the fear still remains, primal and gripping sometimes,
but really she was too tired to care.
now she cares not about what she would miss,
near drowning in the fantasies and daydreams she concocts every day every night to escape.
impossible to fully withdraw, but once, just once,
she would like to try.
to half die, perhaps or fully die.
she used to wonder who would care, but really she has now passed that point.
who cares who would care?
she doesn't care about others, why should anyone care about her?
so now you see the point.
detached from life, there but yet not there, where is the difference?
the purple piggy oinked 5:48 AM
| Sunday, June 12, 2011
do you remember the time when the pied piper called?
the ringing resonating deep within the soul,
unsettling and reorganising, the neat existence changed forever,
and you didn't know what to do with it?
Then when you finally decided what to do,
you realised your decision was not the one that conformed?
So now it's a battle of wits and wills,
but remember this,
it may not be the best choice,
but go with the one that conforms,
because despite the pain it will cause you,
after the pain you can pursue the path that you wish to follow.
Yes, delayed, but better late than never, is it not?
Plus if you were never fated to walk down that path, early or late would never have made much of a difference.
so, my child, do accept the suffering and know that better days, just like what you dream of, will come soon enough.
until then, good luck.
the purple piggy oinked 8:26 AM
| Wednesday, June 8, 2011
the tweaking as the creaking,
for gears are dear
and ticks make me sick.
for as they all say,
crossing outs are where the life is.
the purple piggy oinked 4:30 AM
| Friday, June 3, 2011
are you familiar with that pull within that tries so hard to drag you onto a path you know you cannot go on but yet the idea is still there?
entertain the fantasies, but don't believe them too hard, child. disappointment has visited one too many times for the puppet to break free.
the purple piggy oinked 6:12 AM
|
It is usually what cannot be that the mind craves the most,
for what you have you never treasure.
Stuff of so many so-called "motivational"/"inspirational" quotes.
pretty sure there are quotes for calming someone down,
but there's this situation that you know you really shouldn't be angry because you're at fault in the first place, but it's just the way it was presented that sparks the smoulder, is it not?
There are many ways to express your dissatisfaction and ask the person not to do it again. you just picked the one that I hate the most. do I hold grudges? don't think so, really. nothing a good sleep won't cure. but this, this smoulder is lasting. At least until I sleep. And I'm not sleeping soon.
you can't call me someone with low EQ when I don't think you practise it. whether or not I truly am is not for you to decide.
senseless rant over.
the purple piggy oinked 6:06 AM
